Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
