Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
