we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
