I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
there was a trapeze. enough said
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
