I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
