Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
