Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
