so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
