yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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