Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
