i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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