i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
