Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
