they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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