i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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