Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
