When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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