despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize