The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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