It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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