The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
