I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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