Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Randomize