My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I got inside last night via doggy door
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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