is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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