you traded sex for a burrito?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
