whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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