I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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