Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
