ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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