Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
