You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
