This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
