1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
