Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
