i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
