Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
