well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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