Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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