I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Screwed.edu
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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