I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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