just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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