If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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