im about as happy as oj after his trial
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
