I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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