Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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