The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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