ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
