that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
