White coat. Heels.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
