He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize