We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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