You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
