I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
