i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
