Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
