he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
