Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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