A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
