just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
