i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
