Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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