I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
