The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
