She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
