Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
