She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
