i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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