If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
