i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
