My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
sex in a hospital.. check
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
