I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
