I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
